There was once a time when a young tyke had to grow up on a farm to get a little cow-milking experience. But what about those poor city kids, whose urban existence didn’t expose them to such organic experiences. Well, luckily Kenner Toys was around to ensure that kids from all walks of life could get down and dirty with the barnyard beasts, and pretend they were the proprietors of their very own dairy with the one, the only, the amazing – Milky, the Marvelous Milking Cow!

Thanks to a licensing agreement with General Foods, who was looking for the perfect promotional toy to accompany one of their breakfast cereals, Mattel unleashed Milky on the world in 1977. And the result was a toy quite unlike anything that had ever been produced before…or since.

Milky offered a simple excursion into the fascinating world of bovine breastfeeding. First, you pump the tail gently, causing Milky to lower its head and began sucking water from a small bucket. Milky would let you know it had enough by letting out a little moo, and that’s when the fun really started. Take the empty plastic bucket, reposition it under another part of Milky and roll up your sleeves. With a few gentle tugs of Milky’s soft, rubbery (and actually quite lifelike) udders, your cow friend would generously produce a number of squirts of a cloudy, milk-like substance into the trusty bucket. But don’t go pouring your newly acquired liquid over those Sugar Smacks just yet. For, although this liquid was non-toxic, it wasn’t particularly tasty. There are certain things best left to Mother Nature.

This quirky cow friend didn’t quite take the toy world by storm. While certainly unique, it is somewhat of a mystery as to why any executive thought this particular concept would be as warmly embraced as Milky’s udders. After a brief time on store shelves, the public sadly soured on the marvelous talents of Milky and memories of this short-lived toy are mostly a result of the catchy theme song that accompanied this one-of-a-kind critter. And to date, there are no plans to unleash Milky, the Marvelous Milking Cow on future generations. Today’s city kids must to travel to an actual farm if they want some hands-on experience in the exciting world of dairy procurement.  

YouTube: