Johnson Smith Company
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princessdiana remembers...I remember seeing them on the outside of comic books,and thinking who would want to buy that stuff? More »
Posted on 11/25/06
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While Santa Claus’s policy reserved the right to withhold goodies from those labeled naughty, the Johnson Smith Company has always recognized that naughty is really just another way of saying, “inventive.” Hence, those whose hijinx might otherwise preclude them from Santa’s list have an affordable alternative in the Johnson Smith Company catalogue, a treasure trove of mail order pranks, gags, gizmos, novelties, and whatzits of every sort. Want to slip a friend some fish-flavored candy? Johnson Smith Company. Care to scare mom with smoke billowing off of your fingertips? Johnson Smith Company. Ever wanted to circumnavigate the globe at four times the speed of sound? Okay, for that you’d have to talk to Boeing, but if you want to embarrass the girl next door with a discreetly placed whoopee cushion… you guessed it. Johnson Smith Company.
In 1905, Alfred Johnson Smith began peddling knick-knacks and novelties on the far side of the world… Australia. Nine years later, he had made his way to America and officially set up shop in Chicago, Illinois. His business plan was a simple one: sell pranks and novelties at a price any kid could afford. Half the time, one bought items from Johnson Smith to see if such a thing really existed and how, rather than buying it for the joke. After all, what exactly is a “Fake Dog Mess?” Does garlic-flavored gum really taste like garlic?
Johnson Smith was somewhat unique in that there was no store, only the Atlantean paradise where each marvel was made. As time passed and America endured the upheavals of wars, depressions, movements, and monuments, Johnson Smith Company kept a very steady pace, embracing and incorporating trends and technology. Electronics brought about the midget camera, the electric shock pen, and the bikini girl-shaped remote control. And while Johnson Smith’s appeal was largely amongst the more mischievous ilk, there were plenty of pages promising something wholesome, such as 1000 Tiny Magnets, The World’s Smallest Harmonica, and the Unbeatable Self Defense books.
As time moved on, so did the Johnson Smith Company, packing up their magical shop and relocating it to Florida in the 1980s. “Things You Never Knew Existed,” the catalogue of Johnson Smith is still published to this day. Many of the items have streamlined with the culture, such as pocket digital cameras or titanium watches, but the classics still grace the timeless pages. Ever wanted a chewing gum that makes your mouth look bloody? Johnson Smith Company. Ever wanted a motion triggered fart alarm? Johnson Smith Company. Ever wanted a mechanical hand that could extend its middle finger by remote control? Johnson Smith Company. Ever wanted a…
